Perverts and Blondes
by Yojimbra
Summary: while searching for Tsunade Jiraiya discovers something that might actually make him grow up. He has a daughter that hates his guts. Oh and she's Tsunade's daughter. Wait that would mean he and Tsunade... What? Why didn't he remember this? Now he has to try and make things up to not only Tsunade but Sachiko as well. Just great. Naruto X OC. Jiraiya x Tsunade
1. Chapter 1

"Are you Jiraiya?"

He had seen her walking up to them from the corner of his eye, it was hard not to notice her, a youthful beauty with long silky hair the color of freshly fallen snow and a banging body that could even rival Tsunade in her youth. She was tall standing closer to six foot than she was five. Oh yes, he had his mind's eye on her for quite some time.

Still, there was that barb in her voice, like a knife barely hidden under a thin sheet ready to strike at a moments notice. That was fair, he was used to having random women he didn't remember ever meeting being angry at him, hell a fair few sought to use his lecherous ways as a way to blackmail him. But he would have remembered a beauty such as this. "To whom do I owe the pleasure, are you a fan perhaps, or -"

Her face changed from slightly unhappy to one filled with rage. It was all the warning he had before - crack - he was sent to his knees as her foot made contact with his balls. "Stay the fuck away from me and my mom!"

"But, why?" He stuck his hand out, trying to keep his eyes on her even as tears began to stain his eyes. This wasn't the first time a woman had tried to physically assault him, hell he was used to Tsunade doing it but there were a fair few times when his charms didn't exactly work and he had to think on his feet. But this was the first time in a long time a girl had gotten a hit on him he didn't let them get. Only highly skilled ninja could pull that off.

"Woah, you sure pissed her off," Naruto, his oh so helpful and brilliant apprentice, said placing a hand on his back. To be fair there wasn't much the brat could do to ease his pain. He didn't even know how to console someone that just got hit in the nuts. It just wasn't cool. "Do you know who that girl was?"

"Not a clue." Jiraiya stood, as best he could trying to fight through the pain. A few quick breaths and he was mostly okay. "But apparently I know her mom."

"That's what you get for being a pervert, hey maybe she's your daughter?" Helpful as always, worst apprentice he'd ever taken. Most fun too, it was nice to work with an idiot instead of genius for once, somehow more rewarding, shame he never fulfilled his duty as a godfather. But this was a step in the right direction.

With a grunt, Jiraiya pressed forward. "There's no way she's my daughter, I'm careful boy, even when I'm drunk. Never got a girl pregnant." There was a reason for that, but the brat didn't need to know that. "And I never will, I am a bachelor for life Naruto, and if you were smart you'd follow my example."

Though he'd settle down with Tsunade any day of the week.

"Whatever you say Pervy-Sage, whatever you say." Damn brat. Naruto was as easy to love as he was to hate. "She did look like you though, same hair color. And she was tall."

"Everybody is tall to you pipsqueak."

Naruto growled and tried to stand taller with his shoulders back. It lasted about five steps before his poor posture returned. "Well, what if she's Tsunade's daughter? She sure knew you quick enough. Maybe she was a warning not to find her or something?"

"Nah, the only man that Tsunade would ever have a kid with was dead long before that brat was a speck in her father's eye." Dan was a good man, and even if he hated losing to him, his loss still hit him hard. He should have been there. But that was just one regret of a lifetime of regrets.

XXXX

The sun was kissing the horizon by the time they finally gave up. Well, Naruto gave up and started demanding ramen a couple hours ago. But he had a mission to do, there was no way that he was going to become the Hokage! It was a medical condition he was deathly allergic to responsibility and other things like actually being an adult. Which was why he was set on dumping the job onto Tsunade.

Also, it'd be nice to be able to see her whenever he wanted as opposed having to track her down, only to find her sitting at the random inn he decided to stay at already halfway to drunk. "Are you fucking kidding me?"

Tsunade looked up and smiled her cheeks rosy and her chocolate eyes filled with mirth as she leaned forward. She had to know what she was doing, giving him more than eyeful of her cleavage. She looked just as beautiful as she always had. "Ohh, well if it isn't Jiraiya! I guess today is nothing but one big Sanin reunion."

"You met with Orochimaru? What did he want?" Jiraiya grunted, pushing Naruto towards the table. Might as well have dinner while he tried to get Tsunade to be the Hokage, though more booze might help. It wasn't until he saw her companions that he was given pause. Shizune he had known about, but what the hell was that girl doing here? And why was she glaring at him?

"Orochimaru didn't want anything, just happened to bump into each other." Tsunade swirled her sake dish before taking another sleep, leveling a pinky at him. "But what about -"

"I thought I told you to stay away from my mother." The white-haired beauty growled, sinking down into her seat just enough to slap her leg down on the empty seat. Preventing them from sitting.

"Sachiko, be nice, it's not every day you get to see your father, let's hear him out." Tsunade slurred before she gave a hiccup and moved Sachiko's leg. "Come on and sit down Jiraiya! We have a lot to talk about."

Most of the time he pretended to be stupid. His sharp wit was a tool he relied on in battle coupled with an endless bag of tricks to pry open weaknesses in his foes. It was this advantage that had allowed him to turn many a defeat into victory. But this was one time when his brain wasn't quite able to process.

Okay, so calm down and analyze the situation. He was a spymaster, a lord of whispers, a champion of ciphers, king of codes, he had the skills needed to crack this code. But what code was there? The girl, Sachiko, had said to stay away from her mother, and more or less knew him on sight, there were only two other women at the table, and in this bar in general, those being Shizune, who was far too young to have a daughter as old as Sachiko, or at least he hoped so, which meant the only viable mother in the room was Tsunade.

But the girl was far too young to be Dan's, even if the hair was almost right. Maybe she was adopted? He couldn't see Tsunade doing that. And then there was what Tsunade said. Sachiko's father was here, right now, in this room, which meant it was… "Wait, when the hell did we have sex?"

"Eeh?" Tsunade's face turned sour and she looked at him with disgust. Then she shrugged taking another sip from her drink. "I suppose I shouldn't be too surprised you didn't remember, we were drunk and I did hit you rather hard."

"How drunk were we? Why don't I remember this! I always told myself if I ever got the chance I'd never forget it but we actually did it? And she," he gestured towards Sachiko, who was looking as mad as she was embarrassed. "Is the result? I have a daughter? How do I have a daughter? I'm infertile."

It was both a blessing and a curse at times. A blessing in that he never wanted a family. A curse in that he could never have one.

Tsunade laughed taking another sip of sake. Damn, he was thirsty. "Clearly I was drunk enough to have sex with you, so I'm going to go with the drunkest I've ever been." She nudged the bottle towards him falling back into her seat. "As for how? Beats me, but I was pregnant, and gave birth to this foul-tempered little brat."

"And you didn't think to tell me?" Jiraiya sat down, taking a drink directly from the bottle. He was going to need at least five more of these. He eyed Tsunade, her cheeks rose, cleavage exposed, looking more beautiful with each breath. Then he looked towards the frowning Sachiko. Better make it six.

"I was going to the next time you found me. But you never did." Her smile stayed but her eyes were sharp with anger, sadness, and regret. Another sip and she sighed. "So, I raised Sachiko on my own while you were busy going around sleeping with every woman you came across. Nine months was a really long time to be sober by the way. Never doing that again."

"And is that why she kicked me in the nuts the first time I saw her?"

"Sachiko!" Shizune gasped. The bacon in her arms oinked at the sudden movement. That thing had breakfast written all over it.

His apparent daughter of, sheesh, she had to at least be sixteen right? That was the last time he had seen Tsunade, shrugged smiling with nothing but pride. "We're better off without him. Not like he ever came looking for us."

The alcohol in his mouth burned and the sweetness turned bitter enough that he had to force the drink down where it sat like a rock in his stomach. Years of reading people told him that she hated him. His own daughter that he didn't even know existed hated him. What did Tsunade tell her? The truth? Her truth? "Listen I'm sorry."

"Save it," She crossed her arms, looking away from him and towards Naruto who was happily munching on a meal. "Looks like you already moved on anyway, wouldn't want to ruin your new family. Just like I don't want you to ruin my family."

Ouch.

"This brats' not my kid." He ruffled Naruto's hair, he was walking a razor's edge with all parties now, his relationship with Naruto wasn't the most fragile, but it still wasn't strong. The kid needed to know that he'd be there for him. Just another thing on the list of things he had to make up for. "He's my apprentice, strong to boot."

"He looks like an idiot," Sachiko glared at him.

Naruto glared back, her face went red and she turned her fury somewhere else. Neat trick. Apparently to avoid her bite was to bark back at her louder. "Hey! Just because I'm not smart, doesn't mean I'm not strong! I would have won the chunin exams if it wasn't for Orochimaru!"

"Oh sure, whatever you say, shorty," Sachiko's tongue was sharp, but lacked the edge it had beforehand, she kept looking away from Naruto. Odd.

Jiraiya sighed, shoving the bottle back to Tsunade who was more than happy to drink his share of it. There weren't many things that could make him stop drinking. Finding out that he had a daughter - one that was sixteen years old and hated him too boot - was at the top of that list. What the hell could he say? The closest thing he experienced to this was what he wrote a war hero returning him to his waiting wife to find out that he now had a five-year-old son. And that manuscript had been scrapped.

"Look. For what it's worth I'm sorry. I didn't-"

"Know?" Sachiko sneered her sharp gaze focused squarely on him. He returned her look, only for her to bear down on him all the harder. "Fuck you."

"Hey, hey, hey," Tsunade slurred pouring herself another cup of sake, despite her drunken state she still had a steady hand. "What's with all the bad blood? Sure Jiraiya is a pervert, a dumbass, a horrible father, and… where was I going with this?"

Sachiko leaned forward looking her mother in the eyes. His daughter really did have a beautiful smile, just like her mothers. "I think you were getting to his redeemable qualities?"

"I was?" Tsunade blinked, a knowing smile pulling on her lips and she raised her eyebrows twice at him. "But he doesn't have any of those."

"Look, is there some way that I can make this right?" Jiraiya asked placing both elbows on the table. He didn't feel like drinking, he didn't feel like eating. Hell, he barely felt like being here. Still, it wasn't as bad as losing Minato and Kushina. Damn, why didn't he find Tsunade sooner? How could he even forget a night with her? There wasn't enough booze in the world to make him forget something like that. Unless that hit she mentioned had something to do with it. A question for in private he guessed.

"You can leave. That'd be a good start."

"Sachiko, Sachiko, Sachiko, be less of a bitch, it's not every day that you see Jiraiya groveling. Take a moment to relish in this." Tsunade grabbed the bottle and emptied it into her mouth. Apparently, he kissed those lips sixteen years ago. "Besides we should at least hear him out before you decide to disown him. So, why'd you come all the way out here looking for me Jiraiya?"

Oh right, the Hokage thing. He'd almost forgotten about that. That seemed so inconsequential compared to this, still, Tsunade was the best candidate for Hokage. Besides, if she had the job then he'd be able to find her and Sachiko whenever he wanted. Still had to train the brat too. Bah. He didn't sign up for this.

"Well, I've come with a message from Konoha," He sat up straight, looking her right in the eyes. Damn, did he really sleep with her? Was it wrong that it made him happy? "They want you to become the next Hokage."

Naruto choked on his food, Sachiko let out a sharp laugh, while Shizune and Tsunade looked on in silence.

"So, I take it the Third really is dead? And it was because of Orochimaru?" Tsunade asked the jolly buzz she had around her was gone in a heartbeat. Though her cheeks were still flushed from a bit too much to drink. "That's what that fool gets, he was smart to have retired but an idiot for taking the job back after the Fourth died. Only fools with a death wish would become Hokage."

"You take that back!" Naruto slammed his hands onto the table, spilling a glass and making a mess. He attempted to make a lunge for Tsunade but Jiraiya stopped him with a single hand. "The Hokage are great! You should consider yourself lucky! Not that an old hag like you deserves it!"

"Ooh? You think you can take me?" Tsunade laughed, "I like your balls kid, all right let's see what you got, I'll tell you what. I'll only use one finger!"

"Oh please, better make it your pinky toe; I don't want to cover up a murder tonight," Sachiko gave Naruto a smile that would likely haunt the poor boy for years to come.

"Don't throw your hip out old lady," Naruto shot back without missing a beat.

Shit. Well, so much for his new apprentice.

 **AN: Beta'd by xxTerror33xx**

 **Originally Sachiko was going to be Tayuya. But I realized that would make Tayuya not Tayuya. So I remade her and came up with Sachiko. Sachiko's name means Luck, happiness, and beauty, seems like something that Tsunade would try to name her kid. Anyways. I hope you all enjoy and I'll see you next time!**


	2. Chapter 2

"Rasengan."

Crack

"Bwah."

Yep, that pretty much went exactly how he thought it was going to go. The brat really showed how great he was at assessing threats and knowing when to run away and live to fight another day. It was a lesson that the boy really needed to learn, tenacious little idiot would probably go at Orochimaru with nothing but a kunai with all his limbs cut off, and Tsunade was the best person to give him that lesson.

Also it would shut the brat up about her being the Hokage. Well, at least a little bit.

Tsunade turned to him, as Shizune ran over to tend Naruto's wounds. "What the hell are you thinking teaching him that technique? It's nowhere near as strong as it should be."

His apparent daughter, leaned against the wall of the bar, having a great time watching his apprentice get his ass kicked. Tsunade was doing a great job of raising her it seemed, clearly, a father wasn't needed at all.

"Hey, I'm still learning! Just watch! By tomorrow I'll have that technique mastered!" Naruto shouted from his hole in the ground Tsunade had made for him. Brat didn't know when to shut the fuck up did he?

"Naruto," He tried to get the boy to listen, but Tsunade beat him to it with a sharp bark of a laugh that had brought up painful memories of rejection.

"You're kidding right?" She grabbed the necklace that hung around her neck. "Let's make a bet, I bet that you won't be able to complete the Rasengan in a week. If you lose I get all the money in your wallet. And if you win I'll give you this necklace. It's worth enough that if you sold it you could buy three mountains to put your ugly face on."

"Mom!" Sachiko looked rather annoyed by that. "Don't give him that!"

Tsunade just laughed. "Ha, looks like you got your first cheerleader Naruto! Sachiko thinks you're going to win!"

"I will win! I'll have this jutsu down in no time! Just watch me!"

"Yea, sure, I look forward to spending all your money on booze and gambling." Tsunade swirled on her feet, laughing like this was her first time getting drunk. Despite the fact that she was fifty years old.

Jiraiya groaned. Great that meant spending a week here while Naruto trained, and Tsunade waited for Orochimaru. There was no way there wasn't a deal between them, it was possible that Sensei injured him and he was coming to Tsunade for healing. But it was what Orochimaru offered that confused him.

Then there was Sachiko, he looked towards his daughter. His daughter. Words he never thought that he would say or think. She caught him looking and sneered at him. "Shizune, could you take the kids to the hotel, I'd like to have a chat with Tsunade and get some drinks."

He still didn't feel like drinking but it would get Tsunade to stay. That and keeping her drunk would probably help get some honest answers out of her.

"Fuck off, why do I have to listen to you?" Sachiko barked, her face still stuck in that vicious snarl she had earlier.

Jiraiya let out a breath, grinding his teeth with each passing moment. He deserved a lot of the hate some women gave him, but this was just cruel. Hell the only person that should be mad at him is Tsunade for knocking her up in the first place. But even then, she could have stopped the pregnancy if she wanted to. Or fucking told him.

"Sachiko, that is enough." Shizune's voice cracked like a whip, she stood Naruto up and marched over to the white-haired girl that had two inches on her and grabbed her by the wrist. "He's not telling you to go to the Hotel, but I am, now let's go."

"But sis!"

"No buts."

A chuckle escaped him. Shizune always was the responsible one, nice to see she had a bit of backbone now, though she was bound to grow up in sixteen years. Still, was she the one to raise Sachiko while Tsunade drunk her way around the problems? The fact that it seemed likely did not sit well with him.

"So, let's head inside and have those drinks." He placed a hand on Tsunade's back pushing her back towards the bar. Perhaps would join her if for no other reason than to make his headache go away.

Tsunade stumbled on the first step, laughing a bit as she righted herself. She was already drunk enough to stumble, and he was going to make her drunker just so he could talk to her. Yep, that didn't chafe against his morals in the slightest. "Fine, but I'm not going to get that drunk."

Despite her words the moment they sat down Tsunade was already sprinting towards getting as drunk as she possibly could by slamming down the unfinished bottle they had at their table. She gave a sharp squeal of delight, acting like a teenager drinking for the first time rather than the pro drinker she was. It was sadder than anything else. "So, what you wanna talk about?"

A lot. He wanted to talk about a lot of things. But he had to do things in order. Get the painful short stuff out of the way. Then spend the night playing catch up and finding out what the hell she was thinking. "So, I know that Orochimaru must have offered you a deal, I don't know what it is, but it's not what you think, he'll twist it and you'll only regret it more."

If she heard him, she didn't respond, instead, she focused on the small sake dish in her hands, as though waiting for a drink to magically appear. He had drinks with Tsunade before, she could hold her liquor better than this. She was just acting like a child.

"As for the Hokage thing, I admit I'm being a little selfish with it. They offered it to me first." Jiraiya poured her a drink, she smiled and slammed it back with ease. Then he poured one himself, and he stared at the cup for a long while. Nope, still didn't feel like drinking.

"You'd be a shit Hokage anyways, probably make mini skirts part of the Kunoichi uniform." She gave a shrill laugh taking another sip of her drink. "Or make something like a topless Tuesday, or have all the hot springs be co-ed."

Those were all good ideas. "You're not wrong, but you'd be a great Hokage."

"Nah,"

"You're kidding right. You'd actually do something with the position. After Minato died Sensei just kept the village going, waiting for the next Hokage to come along. You, you'd finally be able to put a medic on every team, you could make our medic program the best in the world. You're the only person that sees that." Well he saw it too, but he didn't know the first thing about managing a village, besides, his role outside the village was too important to let vanish, not with Atasuki on the move.

Tsunade smiled, placing her cup down for the first time, her cheeks were still rosy, and she looked ready to fall asleep at a moments notice. "He reminds me of Nawaki and Dan in many. That brat of yours I mean, same look in his eyes they had when they rambled on about the Hokage."

"Brats a handful, that's for sure."

"He has his father's looks but he reminds me a lot of Kushina," She reached for the bottle, not bothering to pour it into a cup as she took a shallow sip before offering it to him. "He is their kid, right? Like I'm not just drunk and seeing connections with everything am I?"

"Nah he is, Sensei decided to keep it a secret, mostly to try and keep him safe. A lesson he learned when Kushina's status got out, half-certain that Minato got so strong purely to keep her safe. Not that it's done a lot of good, he's already being targeted. That's why I need to make sure he's ready." He took a drink, downing the bottle in one go. So much for not drinking. After a belch, he opened another one. "I'd like to keep it that way, at least until he's strong enough."

Tsunade nodded, opening a bottle of her own. "Ehh, that's fair. An idiot like that goes around shouting that he's the son of the Fourth Hokage, he won't be long for this world."

People were already beginning to draw the lines between Naruto and Minato through his own connection to the kid. He'd like to say that was the reason why he put off his duties as the boy's guardian. Still provided him with funds, and paid the brats rent, but that wasn't the same as being there. No, he was gone doing the same thing he'd been doing for the past decade and a half. Orochimaru.

He took another drink, this time it washed away some of the bitterness and bile that crawled up from his stomach whenever he thought about Orochimaru. It was probably time to stop chasing after him and keep what he had safe.

"So." He began, unsure of both the journey and the destination. He had to be careful, this could easily turn into Tsunade never talking to him, and that meant mandatory miniskirts.

Tsunade took another drink and hiccuped. "So?"

"The fuck?" So much for tact.

She backed away leaning into her seat her face scrunched up like he had just farted. "Ehh?"

"Her!" he gestured outside. "Sachiko. Your daughter? My daughter? Our daughter? My sixteen-year-old daughter that I didn't even know had a chance of existing. Why the hell didn't you tell me about her? Sure I travel a lot, but you know I checked in with village often enough. You knew how to get a hold of me but you never did. And now I have a daughter that hates my guts. So yes Tsunade, the fuck?"

He tried to keep his voice as calm as he could through that, but the bitterness and drunkenness were getting the better of him.

"Oh," she shrunk down and took a long sip of her drink. He could almost see tears beginning to pool in her eyes, but those were probably just because she was tired. And drunk. "I was going to tell you the next time I saw you. Figured you'd show up sooner rather than later. But you never did." Another drink, this time she looked away from him. "After she was born, I kind of figured now that you got what you wanted from me, that was it. Hated you for a while, then I found out what happened with the Kyuubi attack, then Orochimaru, and I kind of figured you were just busy, stopped hating you, started raising Sachiko, and now I'm here, and you're right there."

"If I had known that I slept with you I would have been back every night begging for more." Not right now, too drunk and too much emotion left up in the air. Besides he didn't want to fuck things up any more than they were. Besides, it's not like it meant anything, there was no way that Tsunade would return his feelings. To her, it was just a drunken one night stand. "Did you like hit me in the head or something?"

She shrugged. "I might have smacked you when I woke up to you groping my breasts, I don't remember a lot about it either, just a few bits of it really. And having a panic attack as I realized I slept with you. Still, I hit you harder than that before, you should have been fine."

"Did you check?"

"Nope took Shizune and ran."

"So, why'd you keep Sachiko? You're an expert medical ninja if you wanted to prevent the birth you could have." There had to be a reason for it. There had to be.

She sat back up putting her elbows on the table and running her hands through her hair, undoing it in the process. "I dunno, I might have felt like it was my last chance to be a mother or something. Didn't matter who the father was, might be why I slept with you, just wanted to have a kid of my own. Kind of fucked her up though."

"You should have told me." He stole a bottle away from you, popping it open and downing it before she could even protest. That was the last one.

"Hey!" She fell onto the table. "I was going to drink that."

"You should have told me." He repeated glaring at her.

"Probably. But you should have come to find me. You're never there when I want you to be there. Only when I don't want you." She was mumbling now, leaning further and further down onto the table. He might have let her have a bit too much to drink. "So the fuck is with that huh? I want you like five years ago but when I decide I don't want you and we're happy bam! You show up like five extra pounds in the morning."

"Then you should have got a hold of me!"

"That wasn't the point." She slammed her hands against the table breaking it. Yep way too much to drink. "You were supposed to come see me. You always came to see me. Even when you were half dead or half stupid you always came. But after that, you stopped. I know why but…"

They were getting nowhere with this, he could get more out of her tomorrow when she sobered up. That or get his ass kicked. Better get her back to the Hotel, and himself there as well. He stepped over the shattered table where Tsunade sat with her head down and pulled her up by her by her shoulders. "C'mon, let's go."

"You're a perverted asshole." She fell into him, swaying like a leaf in the wind. "But I trust you."

"Yea yea, no need to guilt me, I won't try to do anything." He wrapped an arm around her shoulder. Mostly to keep her and himself standing straight and on the right path and a bit because it was a chance to touch Tsunade with little chance of her hitting him. No passing out how you have to steer us.

She pointed towards the door and let out a belch. Very helpful.

As they meandered their way through the streets the cold night air choking them at every turn. It was well past dark and there was no way that they weren't going to suffer for this tomorrow. In many ways, it reminded him of the good old days, where they drank until they dropped because the next morning they could be sent out and they'd just drop.

"Say, why does she hate me?" Jiraiya mumbled, following Tsunade's finger down a street. Had they been here before? Probably not.

"Who?"

"Our daughter."

"Ah, I don't know, I told her all I knew about you, eventually I just said, 'Go read the books he's written that'll tell you all you need to know.'" She hiccuped swinging her arm wide and to the side.

His mouth went dry. "You had her read my books? The Icha Icha series?"

Tsunade nodded.

"You know those have smut in them right?" That certainly explained why Sachiko didn't like him, her only image of him was the pervert that spent an entire chapter describing a woman's breasts.

Tsunade shrugged, "She was fifteen when she started, that's fine. But if you want to know why she hates you, I honestly don't know. Just kinda happened one day that she decided that she wanted nothing to do with you. Might be a little bit my fault."

"Just a little bit?"

She nodded pointing down another street. Oh hey, there was a hotel. "Yea, just a bit. She's more stubborn than I was at that age, and she likes to act like she's independent, but she still follows me around."

"You know, if you became the Hokage, I'd know where to find you. And I'd have to report to you."

She laughed spinning to look at him, she always did look so beautiful with her hair down. "Aren't you supposed to be giving me reasons to become Hokage?"

"I'm serious Tsunade. I want to see you as much as possible. And I want to get on Sachiko's good side, I can't do that if I have to hunt you both down just to see you. But I will."

"But you didn't." Her voice was soft, and there was something more to it. Something that he recognized in the back of his mind. Her chocolate brown eyes were wide and her frown vanished into one of her rare genuine smiles. "But I trust you. So I'll believe you this time."

"Does that mean you'll become Hokage?"

She gave a bark of laughter. "Hell no."

"Guess I'll be following you until I get a yes from you."

"Get ready to die on the road."

XXXX

Stupid blue-eyed little brat. It just had to be someone with pretty blue eyes. The bastard must have planned this. Sachiko glared at Naruto who was sitting on a chair while Shizune dressed some of the wounds that mom had given him. Brat deserved twice as many bruises as he got tonight.

"Hey, crazy lady?" Her father's 'apprentice' asked, those pretty blue eyes of his locked onto her and she had to look away.

"My name's Sachiko, short stuff." She flipped over onto the bed, trying to give him a sign that she didn't want to talk. There was no way that he wasn't related to her - disowned - father, he had blonde eyes, the main girl in his books had blonde hair. Her mom had blonde hair. Her father was a pervert that liked blondes. But that wasn't any of her business, the sooner they left, the sooner everything would go back to normal.

"And mine's Naruto."

"And I don't care."

She could feel Shizune's disapproving glare on the back of her skull. Wasn't honesty supposed to be a good thing? "Sachiko, please, we talked about this."

No, Shizune talked, while she listened and nodded her head. "Yea, sure."

"So, uhh Sachi why do you hate the Pervy-Sage so much?" Naruto asked with his raspy voice. He sounded like a five-year-old girl with a bad cough. Was probably about as smart too. But that name, it did put a smile on her face.

She bounced back up onto the bed to look him in the eyes. Big mistake. They were still blue. Dammit, why did he have her one weakness? "What'd you call him?"

"Pervy-sage." Naruto crossed his arms in front of his chest pouting. "Instead of training me he always goes peeping at girls and stuff."

Sounded about right from the books and what her mom told her about him. "I change my mind shorty, you might not be so bad after all. How'd you meet him, to begin with?"

"I met him at the hot springs when I was learning to walk on water, he beat the closet pervert up so I made him train me instead." Naruto gave her a victory sign. "Though I did have to convince him by using my sexy jutsu, why don't you like him?"

"Because I don't need him in my life. He made his choice to never come looking for me or my mom. I don't care if he didn't know I existed, I'd rather it stay that way." She folded her arms and gave a sharp growl. She'd been wanting to punch her father in his face for the better part of two years now. And after she finally kicked him in the nuts, she finally got a bit of satisfaction. Or so she kept telling herself. Instead of feeling better she somehow felt worse. Whatever, everything would be better once he was out of her life again. "But I don't see how it's any of your business."

"Oh, well, I was just wondering. I never met my parents, but if one of them were to suddenly show up then I'd at least like to hear why." He looked like a kicked puppy that was sorry it walked into her foot. Great, not only did he have blue eyes but he had a sob story! Just great.

Sachiko sighed and scratched the back of her head. It always sucked being reminded that there were people worse off than she was. Not everyone had an awesome mom, not everyone had a big sister like Shizune, not everyone could be strong. "So you don't know who either of your parents are?"

Naruto shook his head. "Nope, but it's okay! Honest! I have Kakashi-sensei, Sasuke, Sakura too, and all my other friends. And the Pervy-Sage too, I guess he kind of counts. So I have a lot of friends."

Charming little brat. And damn those blue eyes.

 **AN: So, this fic got a lot mor attention than I thought it would. Anyways thank you all for giving it a shot, I decided to focus on providing longer chapters with this fic so the average should be about 3.5k to 4k depending on the scenes.**

 **To those calling Sachiko a bitch, you're not wrong, but she's also a sixteen year old girl and I hope I got that personality down. And hey look! she has a thing for blue eyes.**


	3. Chapter 3

Normally when ever one of them ended up not showing up for the night it was no big deal, they could both take care of themselves after all. But, this was the rare time when it was very much not okay. Her mother had gone out drinking with her biological father. And hadn't returned.

It was easy enough to find where they had been, there was a stench of booze a mile long that signaled their way around the city, as well as numerous bottles of sake that her mother oh so loved. Somehow her unsupervised drunken mother had gone around the same block four times before they finally stumbled into an inn just across the street from the bar that they had been drinking at. She gathered all this using her impressive investigation skills of asking the bartender.

And the receptionist had even gone so far as to provide their room number. Fortunately the room was under Jiraiya's name so any damages would be billed to him, truly it was the little things in life that put a smile on her face.

"Sachiko," Shizune muttered in that big sister tone she had one hand on her hip while the other kept Tonton off the floor, not that she blamed the pig, the inn was what could be expected of one across the street from a bar, in that the floor was sticky and the smell of beer was ingrained into the walls. Among other things.

"I haven't done anything!" She whispered harshly putting her hands up in the air back against the wall, just being in this place made her want to take a bath, but that was a no go when Jiraiya was in the area. The sooner he left the better it would be for everyone.

"You were going to kick in the door!" Shizune hissed leveling her a glare so filled with disappointment that it borderlined on motherly. "The last thing we need is more property damage debt."

"I wasn't going to." She was. "I was just going to pick the lock, it's shut tight."

Tonton oinked.

She glared at the pink animal that had more sass in it than any other living creature could. "No one asked you pig."

Shizune rolled her eyes. "Yes, you were. I swear you always have to make an entrance, why not try knocking first?"

"Because they've consumed enough alcohol that they won't wake up unless we smash?" She punched her palm and smiled at Shizune, who was having none of her shit. "What, you know how mom is, whenever she brings up that bastard she drinks all night and sleeps all day."

"Umm, guys?" The blonde haired twerp that was probably one of a dozen half brothers she had wandering the countryside said from behind them.

"I know," Shizune spat, then her face softened with a breath. "I know. But that doesn't mean we can just destroy other people's property, even if its under Jiraiya's name. Do you remember what happened in Saito City?"

"Guys?" The twerp said again, slightly louder. She heard him but that wasn't important to anything, he seemed to be about as bright as a box of wet matches.

"It was just a small crater!"

"So! You can't solve all your problems by smashing things! Or you'll end up like Lady Tsunade and drink away everything you can't smash away." Shizune stood shoulders straight, somehow looking down on her despite their height difference. "Or worse!"

"Why does everything come back to me? I don't even like beer?"

"Guys!"

"What?!" They bother turned to look at Naruto who was standing in front of the door.

He pushed it open with the flick of his wrist looking at both of them like they were childrens fighting over nothing. "It's not locked."

"Oh." Sachiko blinked for just a moment before she shrugged passed Naruto and into the room. "You should have said so sooner, now where are those-"

She frozen, fingers grasping at something that wasn't there. Sprawled out like a starfish across the bed was her fully clothed bastard of a father his hand still gripped a bottle of booze around the neck. But what was worse was that her mother was cuddled up next to him smiling like she wasn't just laying there next to the man that broke her heart. At least they were fully clothed.

"What the hell Mom!" She screamed, slamming her foot on the ground and back handing the wall hard enough to make the tacky painting fall off its hook.

Jiraiya demonstrated his world-renowned ninja skill by snoring, looking up, then falling back down in the same position before he let out a low groan. "I didn't do anything I swear." He defense was weak as he didn't bother to move all to much. "If I did do you really think I'd still be dressed?"

"Sachiko?" Her mother propped herself up on Jiraiya's chest, her elbow digging into the man's chest. Her mother looked fucked up, but also kind of happy? What the hell was wrong with this woman. "I'm too hungover for you to be that loud this early."

"It's noon!" She stomped over to the bed, kicking a few bottles out of the way, it smelled like they bathed in the stuff. "And look who your pillow is!"

Her mom just yawned and began to rub her temple with one hand. "Exactly, come back in the afternoon, we'll have a family dinner or something."

"He's not my family." She turned and walked out the door. She really needed to punch something. "Hey, twerp!" she grabbed Naruto by the arm. "You still need to work on that ball jutsu thing?"

XXXX

First impressions were hard, or was this the second on third impression? Might even be the fifth. But so far he was doing a fantastic job of being a role model to his grown up temperamental daughter that he didn't know anything about thanks to her oh so kind and thoughtful mother who decided not to tell him that she was born. Yep, everything was going just fan-fucking-tastic.

"That's the last time we drink that hard ever again." It was probably not the truth, Tsunade, and booze were two of his favorite things, and drinking with Tsunade was just the best way to spend a night. He grunted, sitting up on the bed and looking at the cracked wall where Sachiko had slammed her fist. Well at least Naruto was with her, damn brat was probably going to be her best friend and get a mile long sob story out of her.

Way to much like Minato for his own good, or not enough. Hard to tell really.

Tsunade, slid off his chest and flopped back onto the bed groaning like a soon-to-be corpse. "Should we-" she paused flinching against the headache. All the medical ninjutsu in the world couldn't fight off a hangover. "Should we go after them?"

"Later." First he had to nurse this hangover. That could take the better part of the day they wasted sleeping. And food. A lot of food.

A green foul smelling glass was shoved into his face by Shizune who was smiling kindly at him. "Here, drink this. And for the record I'm sorry. About all of this."

He took the liquid and downed it without a second thought, noticing Tsunade doing the same to his right. It tasted far worse than it smelled. But his head already felt better. Of course Shizune would have anti hangover mixtures down to a science. "Why are you sorry? None of this is your fault."

"I know," she squeezed the pig, looking at her master who was still rubbing her temples. "But I mean, I could have sent you a message, or gotten word back to Konoha. But I didn't." She bowed from her seat, the pig oinking along the way. "So for that I am sorry."

With a great sight he scratched at the back of his head. Why didn't some of Shizune's level-headedness and maturity rub off on the other two? "It's fine, I really wasn't going to blame you or anything." He turned to Tsunade who was still sitting close enough to him that their hips were touching. She was such a small woman, but big where it counted. Not the time for that. "I want answers, straight sober answers. Half of what you told me last night is a blur."

Tsunade gave a long deep sigh. "Can I shower first or something?"

"The only way I'm agreeing to that is if we go to a joint hotspring." He snorted into a smile. "Got you drunk enough to cuddle with and you're still dressed."

Tsunade flopped back down onto the bed like a deflated balloon, though her breasts did bounce just as much as they used to. "Maybe some other time, but ask away."

He needed to start at the beginning. He needed to take it step by step and try to unfuck this whole situation. "Why did you sleep with me?"

"I was drunk?" Her voice sounded very unamused.

"The real reason Tsunade, there's only so far getting both of us drunk will take me and you and that road does not have sex on it's address list. It's another thing for me to get drunk enough to forget about it too."

"You were recovering," Shizune muttered. She sat up when he looked to her. "It was the anniversary of my uncles death. Lady Tsunade was taking it much harder than normal."

"Shizune," Tsunade warned.

"Please go on." Jiraiya begged despite the woman. "What exactly happened?"

"She started drinking, much earlier than normal, I was still young but I don't remember a lot, but you showed up eventually, she was drunk and kept swearing at you calling you a bastard among other things."

"I said I wished that you had died instead of Dan." Tsunade sat up, placing her small hand onto his forearm. She didn't look him in the eyes. But he could see the tears pooling around her eyes. Even as he felt a spark of rage fester in his heart. "You said that if it would put a smile on my face you'd trade your life for his in a heartbeat. That made me mad. Really mad. So I drunk more and then hit you. Hard. I swallowed my fear of blood and managed to heal you back up though. Then we started drinking. We drunk a lot. And well."

She looked at him with those tear filled eyes that at times looked like chocolate, and others reminded him that she was full of shit. This was one of those times where her eyes were her most beautiful feature. "I remember thinking, this was my chance. I might be able to find happiness, it might last this time. But when I woke up in the morning everything came slamming into me and I ran. I didn't know that you lost your memory."

His mouth was dry. That certainly shed some lights on some things. But what did that happiness mean? "What happiness? Why did you keep her? Why didn't you tell me when she was born?"

"What do you want from me?" Tsunade whined.

"Answers." He groaned standing up, his back giving a loud pop. "That's all I want."

"Fine. It's more or less the same anyways." Tsunade pushed her legs off the bed looking away from him. "I really did think about it, and pretending it never happened. But I couldn't do it. I was young...ish. And healthy. There was no medical reason for me to not have a child. I knew I made the right choice when I held her in my arms for the first time. But as to why I didn't tell you."

She sighed placing her head into her hands. "At first, I wanted to surprise you. Then that turned into bitterness and resentment, I knew it was my fault. But I'm stubborn. Kept telling myself that when you showed up I'd offer you a choice to become a family, or keep doing what you were doing."

"Tsunade?" He asked getting her to look at him. Tears stained her cheeks. "Do you love me?"

A smile twitched onto her face and she gave a half sob half sigh. "Don't know, but I wanted to fall in love with you."

"And now?"

"I want Sachiko to have a father." She stood, and grabbed his hand, drawing it up to his chest. "I'm sorry for all of this Jiraiya, and I want to help. Sachiko deserves her father in her life. Even if she doesn't think so."

He closed his eyes, and fought away the urge to scream at her, he needed to remember that this was the woman that he had once fallen in love with. Even if she was almost a different person now. With a breath he pushed her hand down. "Then why did you have her learn about me from those books? They're smut, they're perverted, you didn't even give her my one good book, instead all she sees in me is this perverted man that sleeps around everywhere."

"So she's not to far off from the truth then." Tsunade laughed, taking another step closer. Was she flirting with him? How was this flirting? Was he still drunk? Did he fall down a rabbit hole? Maybe he was dead? No, there'd be a very angry Kushina yelling at him if he was dead. "But really, I like those books. Even the ninja one."

"Wait. what? You do?" He remembered her admitting as much last night, but that was probably just the whole being drunk off his ass thing speaking. "You know that all those girls are you right? And that I'm the main character?"

"Of course." She smiled and pushed away from him, sitting back down onto the bed. "Though I probably should have told Sachiko that. I thought it was obvious. She does read them a lot, I think she inherited your dirty mind."

"That's great and all, but the first thing I need to do is get to know my daughter." It still felt weird to say that. "Her liking my books and hating me for being a pervert isn't exactly helping things." He paced back and forth. "I still have to get you to become Hokage too."

She snorted.

"Train the brat," He groaned looking at Shizune then back to Tsunade. "And find out what Orochimaru wants from you."

She bit her lip for a second and then sighed. "I owe you that much. He probably doesn't know about Sachiko either otherwise his deal might have been different. He wants me to heal his arms, in exchange he'd bring back Dan and Nawaki."

"You weren't actually going to do that right? You know that jutsu of his requires a live sacrifice to work?"

"I was just thinking about them was all. Nothing but what ifs, and the daydreams of an old woman." She leaned back, smiling, "Besides I couldn't do that to Sachiko."

"Umm," Shizune chimed in at long last. "I know it might be hard, but thank you for trying with Sachiko Lord Jiraiya, she's more stubborn than Lady Tsunade is at times, but she'll come around eventually, you just have to keep trying. Just back off if she says she's going to punch you."

"I'm not going to be scared of my own daughter hitting me." Then he remembered who the mother was. "How much did you teach her?"

Tsunade just smiled.

XXXX

Sachiko, was scary.

"How is this supposed to help me with my training?" Naruto shouted, as he dodged out of the way, narrowly avoiding the ground exploding from behind him. He had a rasengan balloon in his hand trying to work at the jutsu.

Sachiko laughed and picked up another rock from her perch, tossing it down at him hard and fast. He had to jump just in time to avoid an explosion of dust that could probably kill him if it hit. "Jutsu's aren't very helpful unless you can do them in the middle of a fight! Now look at it this way twerp. You're also learning a valuable lesson called dodging!"

"You're crazy! I can't" He had to jump. "Even do it normally yet! How's this helping?"

"Well It's helping me!"

 **AN: Long time no update. Wow's kind of been eating my life at the moment. Anyways, thanks for all the support for this fic! I hope to see you again soon!**


	4. Chapter 4

"You're a bitch."

"I said I was sorry, now let me see your arm," She didn't give him much of a choice. Grabbing hold of his arm, and pulling him towards her. Was it good for the wound? Probably not. Was it good for her stress? Not as much as she would have liked, but enough to get rid of the extra guilt from hurting him.

"Ow!" Naruto whined, squirming like a monkey in her grip. "Let go of me!"

The hell he was, she gave him a second elbow. "Just hold still dammit, I'm not as good as my mom, but I can fix this, just give me a second. And stop wiggling so much you'll make it worse!"

That got him to stop. "Fine, do your thing, it's not like it even hurts."

"Liar," She pulled off his jacket a bit too rough, making Naruto squirm in pain. "Don't lie about shit hurting when you're not in a fight, it's not tough, or manly, or whatever the hell else you think it might be. It can make shit worse by not saying it's hurting."

It wasn't as bad as she thought, just a nasty purple bruise on his arm, probably a bit of bone damage, but this idiot was a bonehead so he probably got hurt waking up in the morning like pain was his breakfast. Seriously what was with boys and thinking getting hurt was fun and cool. So annoying. It'd be easy to heal, she wouldn't even need to get Shizune or her mom to fix him up. Which meant that she'd be in less trouble.

"Like you with the Pervy-sage?"

She looked at him. Stupid, shiny, deep, blue, eyes stared back at him, his face firm, no longer showing pain and discomfort. She turned back to her work, snorting and glaring down at the wound. "You know, you really should hate him too."

"Why's that? Sure, he's annoying when sometimes, but he's still teaching me-"

"Think about it, will you? You don't know who your parents are." She felt slimy just saying that. "Some old pervert randomly bumps into you and starts teaching you for no reason."

"He said it was because I remind him of his old student The Fourth Hokage." Naruto beamed, all smiles and cheer as she continued to heal his arm. It was going faster than normal. Maybe she did have a bit of her mother's healing talents after all. "I think that means he thinks I can be the next Hokage or something!"

Doubtful, but she wasn't going to crush the dreams of someone that was probably her little brother. She pushed his arm away, the bruise and bone damage healed to the best of her abilities. He wouldn't even feel anything tomorrow and she wouldn't get in trouble from Shizune for hurting him. "Didn't the Fourth Hokage have blonde hair and blue eyes?"

That might have been the only reason why she knew which one he was.

"Uhh yeah, why?" Naruto asked, taking a step away from her rubbing his arm still. "Oh, hey it doesn't hurt anymore."

"Really twerp? Do I have to spell it out for you?" She stood, examining the more or less destroyed clearing around them. Better not let Shizune see this, the last thing she needed was another disappointed sigh, she was at her weekly limit. "That pervert likes blond haired women. Every girl in those books of hair has blond hair. My mom has blond hair. And you have blond hair too."

"So?"

She groaned. "So, what I'm trying to say is that Jiraiya being so nice to you, some random kid he happened to bump into on the street, is because he's probably your dad. Wouldn't even surprise me if the Fourth Hokage was your brother or something. Especially since you two look a lot alike."

"Liar!" Naruto shouted. She looked at him and saw that he was crying. Great, now she felt like shit. "You're lying. He said that he's careful, that he never got anybody pregnant!"

"Then how am I here?" Her voice was lower than she thought, barely a whisper. A creeping cold found it's way around her digging it's tendrils down into the core of her being. Only the heat of anger kept it away. She spun on her heal, looking at the blubbering blonde haired boy. "Then how am I here huh? He never got anyone pregnant? He's my dad! So tell me how I'm here then."

"I don't know! But the only girl he talks about is Tsunade! So maybe he actually loves her!" Naruto wiped the tears from his eyes glaring at her. "Just because you're miserable doesn't mean you have to try and make everybody else miserable by lying about stuff."

Before she could say another word he was off and running away from her. Great, she made him cry and run away from him. Alone. Again. Just like always. It's not like it mattered if he hated her, once this stupid week was up and that bet was over with they'd be on their way and things would go back to normal, and they'd just keep traveling along with their home on the road.

It didn't matter if she enjoyed hanging out with the twerp, but that was just par for the course.

Great! Now she needed more stress relief! Any more collateral damage and she'd have Shizune breathing down her neck. Or worse. Her mother too. The anger left her and she felt that cold creep in around her, surrounding her and choking the strength out of her with each passing second.

"Dammit," she pressed her head into the bark of the tree, warmed by the summer afternoon sun, branches swaying in the breeze. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair. No matter where she was, or who she was with she eventually made everybody her enemy.

This was all his fault. It had to be.

The roots of the tree made for a poor seat, and her knees an even worse pillow. A pang of hunger reminded her how much time she had spent training the Twerp, ramen didn't sound too bad right now. Her stomach roiled and the ground began to spin, whatever strength she had eroding with the wind.

"You know," Oh great he was here. The shadows moved and she saw the vague shape of his ugly ass mug standing next to her tree, the field of their destruction. He sounded almost like he cared, fat chance of that. "That brat can make friends with just about anybody, for him to run away from you crying is actually kind of impressive."

Not helpful. She shifted, turning away from his shadow, maybe he'd get the hint and piss off. Probably not. Bastard seemed persistent enough, even if he was full of shit.

He sat down across from her cross-legged like this was some kind of a formal meeting at a palace, hands on his knees. Then he groaned like an old man. "So, care to explain why you're telling Naruto that I'm his father?"

"Cause he's named after the main character in your shitty ninja book, has blond hair, and follows you around like a lost puppy." She growled the hunger in her stomach is growing, and her eyelids felt heavy. Low blood sugar probably. Bastard probably has food on him, but she's not going to beg him of all people.

"Oh, so you have read my books then." He clapped one hand on his knee, sounding so jolly that she read his shitty story. "That aside I assure you that Naruto is not my child, hell I'm still not sure that you are."

She snapped her eyes to him, glaring at him from underneath her snow-white hair that she had gotten from him.

"But, I'll believe Tsunade on this." He smiled at her like she didn't hate his guts.

"Whatever," She let the word drip with venom, hanging in the air until its toxicity was at its most potent. "Like I'm going to believe you, you just wanna cover your own tracks so you don't have to look after him."

His smile shifted and he looked at the ground between him, but a thousand miles away and years ago. It was the look her mother had whenever the past was brought up, when he was brought up, normally when drunk. Three breaths and his smile returned, still weighed down by the past. "Alright, so what makes you think Naruto having blonde hair means that he's my son?"

"Cause all the whores in your stupid smut books have blonde hair, mom has blond hair, and you have a weakness for blonds."

Laughter erupted out of him, it was pure, jovial, and contagious, just hearing it was enough to make her lips twitch into a smile. "You got that right!" He howled, slapping a knee, and taking in great breaths as his laughter began to wane. "But my real weakness is giant honkers."

Most people would keep that to themselves, then again, this was the man that basically wrote porn. Shame wasn't something he felt about stuff like that.

"And your mother," His smile turned into a sharp snarl. "Most of the time anyway. Given how she decided to act like an immature brat and not tell me about you is something I'm not too fond of at the moment." With the shake of his head and a moment to straighten out his back, he smiled back at her. "But do you know why all those girls in those books are busty blond women?"

"Because you're a pervert."

Jiraiya sat straight, shoulders back looking like nothing was wrong in the world. His pride was sickening. "No, that's why I wrote those books. All those women are blonde because they're your mother."

What? "What?"

"Almost every adventure in those books is based on me trying to win your mother's heart. Sure, the ending was different most of the time, but believe me when I say there's only one woman I've ever loved." His voice didn't falter, and he kept that same smile on his face that her mother wore when she was digging up happy memories of the past. She could practically smell the regret coming from him. "If I had known about you, I would have tried to be a part of your life."

"If you loved her so much then why did you wait sixteen years to come find her?" She snapped, the anger was back pushing against the cold and the hunger in her stomach.

Jiraiya groaned, scratching the back of his head, his smile vanishing for the first time replaced by a frown that went down to his bones. "A lot of stuff happened and I needed to deal with it."

"Was it more important than the woman you loved?" She should not have said that.

The warmth in Jiraiya's eyes vanished and his frown turned into a scowl like he had just drunken bad liquor. "Are you going to judge everything I say without knowing the reason? I had just lost one of my students that was like family to me, and no, he wasn't my son. Then my teammate decided to betray the leaf, and I had to try and figure out who and what was plotting against us. So yea, at the time your mother wasn't that important."

"And we're still-" She started.

"But you would have changed that." He finished. "I would have made time for family. Would I have always been there? No, but I would try to be. So, now that I know you exist, I'd like to try being your father and making up for missing sixteen years." His smile was back, and he extended his hand out towards her. "What do you say?"

"This must be pretty important to you huh?" She glared at the hand for a moment. This bastard wanted into her life? Like hell, she was going to let that happen. They didn't need him. They didn't need anybody. But he did have something.

"More than you know."

"Fine," She snorted, keeping her hands close and away from him. "You can be my dad, but you have to give me half of what you make from your books every month." It'd help with her mom's debts, and set them up in some fancy hotels.

His smile didn't fade, but his hand went back reaching for one of his pouches. "So, what you're saying is that I can buy your love? That if I pay you, you'll be my daughter?" Something was different in his voice, he wasn't pretending anymore, this was who he really was some sleazeball that made up for his lack of charm with cash. Pathetic. He brought out a checkbook and flipped through the pages.

"Yea, sure, if that's what you want to call it." Her knees fell and she sat up against the tree feeling the bark against her back. Money always made things better. "Wanna shake on it?"

"I see," He closed the book with a snap and stood, ignoring her extended hand. The scowl on his face said it all. He was pissed. There was not another word as he left her alone in that clearing.

She would have preferred if he just yelled at her, calling her a selfish bitch. Then she could have fought back, could have shouted back. Instead of dealing with the silence of his disappointment. Whatever, now that she worked her magic and pissed both of them off they'd be gone all the quicker.

That's what she wanted right? Then why did it hurt so much? "Maybe I really am a bitch."

 **AN: Bit of a shorter chapter, but hey look, emotions! And more of Sachiko being a terrible human being! Anyways, Originally for this chapter I had Naruto freak out in a different way that would lead to his parents being revealed and him freaking out and going Kyuubi mode. But then I saw this path. And I liked it a lot more.**


	5. Chapter 5

"Where's Sachiko?" Shizune asked when he returned to them. "Did something happen?"

He allowed his silence to say what words could not. The walk back to them had done little to stem his frustration. Every step brought more arguments he wanted to shove down that girl's throat to try and make her understand and filled him with resentment for the woman that put him into this situation. At this point throwing his hands up in the air and becoming the Hokage would be less trouble.

But it wasn't what was right. For anybody.

"I'm sorry Jiraiya. I should have been the one to talk to her," Tsunade stood from her chair that sat in the shade looking out over a yard, taking a few quick steps over to him, her hand stretching out towards him before it retreated close to her chest. She was just as lost and as frustrated as he was, even if most of this was her fault, to begin with. Her hair -still damp from a shower- smelled like lavender.

Breathe. He needed to breathe. Anger would not solve anything, it would only make things worse, Sachiko was just a hurt teenage girl that was frustrated, he looked towards Naruto who was still glaring at a water balloon in his hand, even if she did have a point about something. releasing his anger and frustration with a clap he put on a smile. "Hey, enough about this! what'd'ya we go out and have dinner? My treat."

That got Naruto's attention. "Can we get ramen?"

"If they serve it at the restaurant." He gave a long healthy laugh. Taking responsibility huh? "But you should try to eat something else, you'll probably like it."

His apprentice did not seem amused by this.

"Should I go get Sachiko?" Shizune stood, brushing off her robes. "I'm sure we could convince her to join us."

Begging did not sit well with him. "No, leave a note, if she wants to come she will. I won't turn her away."

"But you won't chase after her either?" Tsunade asked, her hand touching his shoulder softly. It was a welcomed gesture, one that he found himself diving into and allowing his smile to grow all the more. Tsunade's feelings were still hidden behind a veil of fog, but he could see their shape now. And as always he liked the way she looked.

"Not for tonight," it would only end up pissing him off more. "Besides, I'll have plenty of time once you become Hokage."

Tsunade laughed. "Ha! That's a good one, now let's go, unlike becoming the Hokage, I actually am hungry."

Needless to say, they went to the restaurant that served the best booze. It wasn't a classy joint, but it was far above the ramen stand that Naruto tried to jump into.

The best part was that Tsunade chose to sit next to him. Next to. Not across. He felt like a teenager again, or the first time he touched a boob. Except he could drink. And he was going to need a bit for tonight, even if sobriety was wiser.

With their food ordered and a small prayer for his wallet, it was time, for a talk that he had been putting off for far too long. It wouldn't help with Sachiko, but it would start to make things right. "All right, Naruto, so, did the third ever tell you anything about your parents?"

That shocked the boy into a frown. The excitement of food, even with the disappointment that Shizune forced him to order something besides ramen, fell from his face. This was a mistake. But it was a bigger mistake to do nothing. If he was going to do this it should be before the wound could fester.

"Just that they died during the Kyuubi attack," Naruto admitted, eyes downcast, hands fiddling with his utensils. He sprung back in true Naruto fashion by scrunching up his face and almost glaring at him. "Why's everyone bringing that up today?"

"Well, it's just," This was a lot harder than he thought it was going to be. He had a photo of Kushina somewhere. "Do you know where the name Uzumaki comes from?"

"Wait," Tsunade placed his hand over his arm, stopping him from pulling out that photo his finger, it seemed like a shame to tear it in half, but he had more of them elsewhere. "You're doing this here? Now?"

Kushina always did love pictures, something about smiles and quiet moments.

"I should have done it a long time ago."

Tsunade backed off, grabbing for a sip of her drink. She downed the whole thing and then proceeded to pour herself more of the sweet smelling Saki. "Probably a good thing Sachiko isn't here then."

"The old man said that it was the name of people that were important to the leaf. And that I should feel proud to carry on their legacy." Naruto recited like a line in a play, knowing the words but not their meaning. Hiruzen always was too clever for his own good.

"Right, well. It was actually your mother's last name."

"What?" Naruto shot from his seat, hands slamming down onto the table, scaring that pig Shizune was holding. "You know who my mom is?"

"Yes, and if you don't calm down I won't tell you about her." Cruel, bribery, but the best way to keep the peace. "I know you'll have a lot of questions, but hear me out all right. And no, I'm not your father."

Naruto sat back down, arms crossed over his chest. He looked confused, the boy had a rough day between Sachiko's training and teasing. And now he was adding to that mess. Or maybe he was finally clearing something off. "Fine. Just tell me about her already."

He pulled out the photo, thanks to his chakra there was a seamless tear leaving only Kushina smiling in the photo. "This," He pushed the photo towards Naruto, who grabbed it like it was a Christmas present. "is your mother, her name was Kushina Uzumaki."

"Wow," Naruto looked at the photo with wide eyes. "She's so pretty! Why isn't my hair like hers? Is she really my mom? What happened to her? Was she a strong Ninja? What was she like? She looks strong! And nice!" The smile faded, and Naruto's hand traced the torn edge. "And did she want me?"

"What happened to calm?" He snorted, mostly because of how absurd that notion was, and to try and put Naruto at ease. It worked and Naruto sunk down into his seat, elbows on the table as he looked at that photo. Probably made the kids whole year showing him that. Should probably let him soak that in before he comes clean. "And believe me, Kushina wanted you more than anything, I've never seen any woman more happy about having a kid. She wanted nothing more than to raise you right. But then, that night happened."

"The Kyuubi attack?" Naruto asked, hand moving down towards his stomach.

Jiraiya nodded. Best not to tell him that she was the previous container, he could blame himself for her death then. "You're more like her than you think. She was loud, obnoxious, stubborn as all hell, and tended to get herself in more trouble than any other ninja in the village, but always managed to get out of it with a smile."

The smile was back, and there were some tears budding in the corner of Naruto's eyes. His as well, damn, thought he had gotten past this. He hadn't even talked about Minato yet.

"Cool," Naruto mumbled, his eyes still glued to the photo. "But how'd you know about her? And why do you have a photo of her with you?"

Tsunade grabbed his arm, giving him a soft squeeze, so that's what support felt like.

"Kushina was good friends with of my students." Really good friends, the kind of friends he wanted to be with Tsunade. "I think she saw me as her perverted drunk uncle. She'd constantly harass me about the three ninja vices. And just be a general menace to my research." Konoha was more or less off limits once she and Minato became an item. So far this had gone better than he thought.

He let out a long breath, pressing his palms against the table. Ripping it off like a band-aid would probably be a bad idea. "Now, for what I say next, I want you to remain calm. And let me explain myself. I mean it, no questions until I finish okay?"

"Umm, okay? Is it about my dad?" Naruto looked up from that photo for the first time, if only for just a moment.

"No." He paused, taking a breath. Kushina had gone over well. But Minato was risky. The kid might go blabbing and put a nice little bounty on his head before he's strong enough to protect himself. It happened before with Nawaki, all of the second's children, and one of sensei's. That was the last thing they needed especially with Atasuki after him already. "Kind of. Look. I'll tell you about your father when you become a chunin. It'll give you extra motivation for the next exam."

Naruto gave a giant smile. "Chunin? All right! I'll get that in no time! Especially once we get Granny back to Konoha to fix Sasuke up!"

"Right, now listen carefully all right." Naruto nodded and he took a deep breath. Praying that his food would show up and delay this just a little bit. Nope. Probably was still a few minutes out. Maybe a Sachiko staring at them awkwardly through the window? Nope. Orochimaru plotting something? A zombie Kushina here to kick his ass? Nope!

Why did nothing interrupt him when he actually wanted to be interrupted. "Around the time of your birth, I was on my way back from Iwa, having just set up an armistice. it's basically an agreement to stop fighting for a while, and when I found out the Kyuubi attack happened I rushed back. I put aside a bit of money for you and made sure you'd have a place to stay. But I couldn't stay in the village, I still had to keep an eye on Kumo, and look for other threats."

So far so good.

"Then," he let the word sit in his mouth tasting bile. "You know Orochimaru right."

Just saying that name felt like it should crack glass, that was how vile it had become. But, there had to be some hope.

"Yea? He was the freak that put that seal on Sasuke right?" Naruto asked, placing the photo of Kushina down for just a moment. Probably didn't want to pervert his mother's image with the thought of Orochimaru, smart. "And he was your teammate right?"

"Right, when we were young, we used to be a lot like you and Sasuke. I considered him my friend, my brother." Hands balled into fists. But Tsunade's hand falling over his kept him grounded. "But, then he betrayed the village, and I've been hunting him ever since."

"You've told me this before, well except all that stuff about giving me money and a place to stay," Naruto said, his face scrunched up in confusion. "But why'd you do that? Or not tell me before?"

"Before I went on my mission, Kushina asked me something important." This was it. The biggest band-aid he could ever rip off. So far Naruto was staying calm. He did not need two emotional teenagers hated him right now. But Sachiko was right, he was just running away from responsibility. "She basically asked that if anything happened to her or your father to watch over you."

He pressed his head against the table. "I'm sorry for not being there for you."

"Oh," That was all he heard from Naruto, no backlash. No shouting. No tears. That was good. Probably.

He took a breath, and looked up, to see Naruto just looking at him. "So she wanted you to raise me or something?"

Her exact words were god-father, but he never had a chance to sign that paper. "Something like that."

"Ahh." Naruto blinked, then looked at his mother photo one more time. "My dad isn't Orochimaru is it?"

Tsunade fell over in her chair laughing.

"What? No! Where'd you get that idea?" The absurdity of that idea was just too much, it sent a chill down his spine imaging Orochimaru being intimate with any living creature, let alone Kushina. Though if he tried with Kushina he'd probably be less alive. Or sealed in a jar at the bottom of the ocean.

"Well you were keeping my dad a secret and you talked about him a lot," Naruto shrugged. "Oh hey, our foods here!"

The moment their meals were placed in front of them Naruto began to stuff his face. It may not be ramen, but the boy could eat.

"So," He broke his chopsticks, trying to draw Naruto's eyes away from his food. Everything seemed normal between them. "You're not mad about me not being there for you?"

Naruto looked up from his meal, slurping up a bit of meat that hung from his mouth like he was a dog. "Why would I? You told me about my mom! Besides, you could have just kept it a secret! But you're still the pervy-sage! Just promise me to train me extra good to make up for it so I can become a chunin and learn about my dad!"

Jiraiya let out a long laugh that was well overdue. "You got it brat, but I hope you know what you're signing up for!"

"Good, maybe you'll get off my back about being the Hokage," Tsunade mumbled taking another sip of her drink. Oh right, there was beer!

"I'd rather you be on your back." Sometimes these things just slip out, like a happy little nip slip in life.

"Lord Jiraiya!" Shizune all but shrieked. The pig oinked.

Tsunade nearly spat out her drink, cheeks red, and her elbow finding the side of his stomach.

Naruto looked at them like they were crazy, one eyebrow raised. "I don't get it."

XXXX

Why the fucked did they all look so fucking happy without her? Why the fuck was she still looking at them through the window. Watching them pretend like they were some happy family like she was just someone to be forgotten.

No, that was wrong. It wasn't their fault. It was hers. Maybe they'd be better off without her bitching up the place? She was an adult. She didn't need them. She could make it on her own. Probably.

Her mom was laughing, smiling, it was rare to see her so happy. Especially sober. She'd just go to their room and buy something simple to eat, like ramen or something. Then she could leave. And be on her way, leaving them to be some kind of fucked up happy family without her.

She took two steps before a firm hand stopped her.

"Where do you think you're going?" Her mother asked, turning her around like she was a kid. It was still weird being so much taller than her mom, but given how tall her father was she guessed it was to be expected. "Come on and join us."

"But, all the things I said," She mumbled trying to pull away from her mother, but the strength wasn't there. How the hell could she sit at the same table as those two and expect them to smile? "They must hate me."

"They're not like you Sachiko, they don't hold onto every spark of hatred they come across if anything they let it go." Tsunade pulled her back, pointing towards the window, where Jiraiya, Naruto, and Shizune were waving at her. A bit of food was sticking out of Naruto's mouth. "See? Now quit worrying and come in and join us."

She looked at her mother, biting her lip and feeling more hungry than anything. "Do you really love him, mom?"

"I want to," She admitted, letting her hand go. "Honestly, this whole thing is my fault. If I had gone out to find Jiraiya sooner you might not hate him. But I think that if you got to know him, the real him, then you might actually start to like him."

"So, please Sachiko." Her mother took both of her hands, looking at her with a small pleading smile. "Come on and join us, nothing's going to change if you don't try."

"But things are changing right now and I'm not trying to! If anything I'm trying to make them stop changing."

"That's not what I meant, now come on. You don't have to say you're sorry, just join us."

A breath, and a growl from her stomach and she found herself sitting next to Naruto at a table brimming with food across from Jiraiya. The atmosphere hadn't changed at all, they were all still laughing and having fun. It was enveloping her like a joking cloud of happiness.

"Oi, Waiter!" Jiraiya called a bit of beef still in his mouth. "I got another guest, add her to my tab."

So he was willing to bribe his mother with food? But. dammit, no. That wasn't what was happening.

"Hey, you want some of mine while you wait?" Naruto asked, scooting his plate towards her. Stupid blue eyes looking at her and melting her defenses down like an ice cube in summer. "I can hear your stomach growling."

"Shut up!" she screeched. Then slammed her mouth shut. Crap she shouted at him already.

Wait, why were they all laughing?

"Don't be embarrassed Sachi," her mother said polishing off her drink, as Jiraiya poured her another one. Oh good, they were going to get drunk again. "You're a growing girl after all its normal to be hungry."

She wasn't growing anymore. Hopefully. Great, her face felt hot, and she couldn't help but smile. "Why are you all being so nice to me?"

"I'm used to dealing with assholes," Naruto beamed at her.

Jiraiya shrugged, taking a sip for his own drink, arm resting along the bench, dangerously close to her mother's shoulder, it only made things worse than that her mother seemed more than willing to try and scoot closer to Jiraiya. "Ehh, you're still my daughter."

Dammit. Why the hell were they so good at guilt tripping her? "Fine, I'm sorry for being such a horrendous bitch to you both."

"Language young lady!" Shizune warned from the other side of Naruto.

 **AN: The Alternative to this chapter had Sachiko interacting with Orochimaru. But then I realized Jiraiya would have noticed him, he's also creepy, and doesn't know that Sachiko exists. So hey! We get this!**

 **I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, given how devicive people can be over the whole Jiraiya god parent thing. But I hope this shows that he's willing to grow when he needs to.**


	6. Chapter 6

Bacon. Butter. Blueberries.

The light fluffy smell drifted into her room with enough force her from dead asleep to wide awake, skipping the twenty-odd other states that took about an hour on her own time. Her legs took directions from her stomach before her brain could even register that her body was awake. Something smelled wonderful, and she needed some of that.

The ground was cold on her feet, and she already missed the warmth of the blankets. She almost went back, but that smell pushed her forward. She shuffled forward, yawning as she found her way to the door and closer to that wonderful smell. Early morning light assailed her when she pressed into the room and the sweet sizzling sound of bacon drifted into her ears, carrying with it a whistling toon.

Last night was no blur to her, but it almost didn't feel real, despite the near crystalline clarity she could recall it with. They had eaten as a family, went to this inn as a family, and had spent much of the night laughing and talking. It was - it was good. But, it was still a surprise to see Jiraiya of all people cooking, smiling, and whistling.

The inn that they had decided to stay at was one of those fancy ones where they all but had a full house to themselves, complete with a kitchen and even access to a garden shared by four other such houses. It was for the rich, and somehow Jiraiya had gotten them in for practically free. Something about having the inn mentioned in his next novel.

"You're up early." Her voice was rough and led into a yawn that left her tongue sticking to the roof of her mouth. Sleep still clung to her, beaconing her back to that bed before the warmth vanished. But her growing hunger drove her to sit on the stool at the bar that separated the kitchen from the rest of the house.

"I'm normally up early when I haven't drunk," He paused, offering her a small shrug while his hands continued to work the bacon and pancakes like it was second nature to him. "Well, when I haven't drunk that much at any rate. Now I have a couple questions for you."

"Ehh?" Was he really going to hold breakfast hostage from her? Guess she deserved after yesterday, but way to be spiteful.

"Orange juice or milk - blueberries, chocolate chip, or plain?" He asked with a giant smile. "And Bacon or sausage? Wait, bad question, how much bacon?" He turned back to the stove top, "I didn't actually make sausage."

"Oh! Uhh, Orange Juice, chocolate chip, and enough bacon to give my mom a heart attack." She smiled at the thought, sleep now the furthest place from her mind as every item she requested - a glass of orange juice nearly overflowing, a perfectly made chocolate chip pancake, and a small plate with a mountain of bacon on it - appeared in front of her looking like it was right out of an add. And the smell was mouthwatering.

First, she quenched her thirst, taking in a large mouthful of the pulp-filled drink. And then turned on the bacon. It was perfect, just the right amount of crunch, to go with the salty taste. Where had then been all her life?

"They say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach." She looked up to see Jiraiya's great big head smiling at her proudly as he rested on the countertop. He grabbed a piece of _her_ bacon and bit into it with a juicy crunch. "I say that works for both sexes."

He spun away, taking another bite with a flourish to return to the cooking.

"Does mom know you can cook?" She asked cutting into the pancake, wait where was the - a shot glass of syrup slid in front of her.

Jiraiya offered her a wink. "Considering how my menu is strictly related to breakfast, and I don't wake up early enough for it when I drink, and I normally drink a lot when I'm with your mother." He paused, his smile lost in the sizzling bacon as he removed the last of it from the pan. "It's might be a bit of a surprise, kind of like you were."

Oh, right emotional baggage. The breakfast wasn't enough to make her just forget the sixteen years of him not being around and the fact that he wanted to change their lives. She took a bit of the pancake, it absorbed the - what was it; a honey cinnamon syrup; where the hell did he get this? - syrup perfectly fusing into a triple combo of flavor. Okay, it might be pretty close. He wasn't the bad guy here. "Did you really not know about me?"

"No, I didn't even think you were something that could happen." He stopped with the spatula and turned to her hand still gripping the pancake pan. "Not that I'm not happy you do exist or wishing that you didn't I mean that I'm happy you do it's just that I-"

"You really love my mom huh?" She sucked at reading the atmosphere, and especially at reading people but, Jiraiya was a giant billboard with his emotions.

He smiled again, bringing the pan back to the stove. "It wasn't love at first sight or anything, hell it wasn't even the kind of love that'd make for a good story, I fully admit that I wasn't interested in your mother until she grew those boobies of hers." His hand twitched when he said the word like he was groping air. "But at some point, after she started dating Dan I did fall in love with her."

That was way too much information, and once again she was reminded that despite being an alright and honest guy. He was still a huge pervert. A pervert that was actually trying and made really good pancakes. "So I guess that means that you'll start trying to date my mom?"

"Eventually, perhaps." He gave a sharp sigh and that genuine man came back. "I'm still really pissed about the whole having my daughter and then not telling me because she wanted to act like a twelve-year-old." His jaw was tense until he took a breath. "Right now, aside from trying to get her to become Hokage, my focus is you. Which is why we're going to spend the day together, what do you say?"

"Doing what?" Her nose crinkled up at the thought. She didn't even know what to do with people normally, let alone her long-lost father that actually wasn't as horrible as she thought he was. "There's no way in hell I'm going to drink with you."

"What? Eww, no, I'm not going to take you drinking." He shuddered at whatever thought crossed his mind. She kind of wanted to punch him, but at the same time: pancake. "No, we can go for a walk, window shop, even hit up a spa, no not a perverted one, but a normal good for your soul spa. Even see the sights."

"Do you even want to do any of that stuff?"

"If it gives me a chance to spend time with my daughter, yes."

"Shouldn't you be training blondy or something? He seems kind of helpless." Her stomach was full, but there was so much more food that she had to eat.

He gave her a scowl, even as he placed a short stack in the empty seat next to her with a helping of bacon as well. "I am teaching him, he won't learn anything if I show him how to do it. He needs to figure the rest on his own. Besides, it's all chakra control now can't exactly tell him how to do that better."

She smiled taking the last of her bacon.

"Which one of us taught a Hokage?"

"Well, if my mom agrees I'll have been taught by one."

"Big deal, so was I." He rolled his eyes marching over to one of the other rooms, with great care he opened the door opening it just a bit. Before slamming it open with his foot.

A sleepy "Bwha!" came from the room.

"Hey, brat! Food! Get it and get back to training!" Jiraiya slammed the door shut, then moved over to the next one, knocking gently. He peered in after a moment, "I made breakfast Shizune, would you like some? - I'd leave Tonton in here though."

XXXX

"So your mom taught you medical jutsu?" Jiraiya asked, reaching into the stall to further inspect one of the hundred masks that littered the stall, and of course, he picked out the one of a cartoonish old man making a stupid face. "What you think?"

"It's an improvement," she smiled, drumming her fingers along her arm as she stood there in the middle of the busy streets with this complete and utter stranger. That just happened to be her father. As long as she just reminded herself that it wasn't his fault - every fifteen seconds or so - he was actually a decent human being.

That made really good breakfast.

He gave a laugh and removed the mask to make way for his own face stuck in some outlandish fashion. That expression couldn't be normal, or healthy. "Over this beautiful mug?"

It was good enough to get her to laugh, even if she still rolled her eyes. "I think my mom would agree with me in that matter, whenever she talked about you she always said you had an ugly mug."

"You wound me!" He pounded his chest just above her heart and returned the mask like he was saying farewell to a lover.

She bit her lip, trying to hold her tongue before she said something stupid that would make everybody hate her. Again. Did normal people have to deal with this? Rubbing her arm she frowned, looking up at the few clouds that littered the sky behind the castle the town was known for - she had no idea what it was called. "Yea, she taught me a bit of Medical Jutsu, Shizune too, but I'm nowhere near their level."

"I take it you have too much chakra?" He gestured for her to take the lead, it wasn't a particularly busy market day, but the road stretched out for what seemed like miles of shops all trying to sell their wares. It was the kind of place they normally avoided only Shizune would dare to brave the horrors of shopping.

Her and her mother weren't so the best with crowds. Namely because; anger.

"Yea, that's about it, how'd you figure that out?" She took the lead, spotting a rather colorful stall across the way. It was filled with a bunch of shiny jewelry. One, in particular, caught her eye, a perfectly round stone the size of her thumbnail shined with all the colors of the ocean was nestled in a metallic spiral that hooks around a simple leather strap.

Jiraiya's great meaty hand picked it up with ease, smiling up a storm, "Well, it was the problem I had when I was younger, learned to turn it into a strength and accepted the things I couldn't do, like Medical Jutsu." He handed the seller a couple bills and then proceeded to place the necklace around her neck. "There, my first actual gift as your father." He gave a soft chuckle patting her on her shoulders. "Wait at least a week until you throw it into the horizon."

She thumbed her new necklace. Why was he so nice? So patient? So, everything! It was so frustrating! Why couldn't he have been an asshole! It would be so much easier if he was just an asshole. It would be so much easier if he had been like this from the start. "Why are you so nice to me?"

He pulled her arm, darting between a gap in the stalls and into some hidden garden nestled between the buildings. He wiped away a tear. Fuck, when did she start crying? He placed her down onto some kind of a bench. "You okay?"

"Yes!" She fought a losing battle against her tears. "No? I don't know!" Her hands fell against the stone bench. "I don't even know why I'm fucking crying okay! It's just some stupid necklace." she laughed into a sob, "So why the hell am I so happy about it?"

She looked at him, he had to have the answer. He just had to, because, she sure as hell didn't know. It was just a stupid fucking necklace! Jiraiya sat down next to her, scratching the back of his head and letting out a breath, before a grin that was all teeth cracked open his face.

"I don't know." So not helpful. He reached a hand around her shoulder and pulled her into a hug. Her bastard of a father was hugging her. "but it makes me happy that you're happy."

"Asshole," She muttered pressing her face into the red fabric of his vest, it was rough and smelled like beer, but that was just par for the course when it came to her parents. "Why can't you just be some jackass that's easy to hate?"

"Sorry," His hand ran small circles around her back. The motion of his chest as he took deep breaths was steady and even. "I didn't have a family of my own growing up, I wanted to be there for them if I ever had one, and I wasn't there for you, but I want to be there now."

She wanted to scream, to run, to punch, to kick, to destroy. Instead, all the fight drained from her. "I'm sorry,"

"It's okay."

"No, it's not!" She pushed him away, she was shaking. "Stop saying it's okay, the first thing I did when I saw you was to kick you, then I tried to use you for money, plus probably about another twenty horrible things I've managed to do without even knowing about it."

Jiraiya laughed again, this time it wasn't the sad kind of chuckle but a full on belly laugh. "Is that's what got you so worked up girl? You want to see the scars your mother has given me in my life? They make your nut kick look like a bug bite!" He slapped his knees and looked towards the ground. "Look, if you can give me a chance to be the father I didn't get to be then I can forgive you, besides you seem pretty remorseful, so I can't just say no to you apologizing."

"But why?"

"Cause you're still my daughter."

Now she was laughing, a few tears still found their way out from her eyes. "Do you have any idea how cheesy you sound? I swear if you start-"

The ground shook, dust and smoke rose up from beyond the castle that dominated their horizon. In the space between breaths, the earth shook again and a roar tore through the buildings that made the glass vibrate.

"Stay here," Jiraiya warned, leaping up onto the roof before she could protest. The look on his face became grim, and he muttered but a single word that could be heard among the screaming crowds. "Orochimaru."

Sachiko stood, rolled her shoulders and glared at the pillar of smoke. Two breaths and the tears stopped, her muscles relaxed, and her emotions were put aside for now. From the rooftop she saw what her father had seen, a giant snake doing battle with her mother's summon. There were many things that she was, quick to anger, emotional, a bitch: Coward and weakling were not on that list.

 **AN: Next I have to write an action scene. Guuuuuh, save me. Also yes the timeline is fuky, but I also couldn't really find a whole bunch of stuff to do between this and that without more DRUNK!Jiraiya and DRUNK!TSUNADE. Also deviant from canon! Also hey look, you guys get to see what Sachiko can do, and lets just say she packs quite a punch!**


	7. Chapter 7

The battle was at a lull when he arrived, both Katsuyu and Manda sat glaring at one another, their masters positioned on their respective heads. Orochimaru looked like he'd seen better days and that white-haired traitor was at his side. It took every bit of his strength to avoid rushing over there and beating the snot out of both of them, but priorities were towards Naruto and Tsunade. Besides, it was good to strategize to avoid friendly fire like a fist to the skull.

The sight that greeted him on the colossal slug made his heart drop. Blood, a lot of blood, the Tsunade he knew would be shaking right now barely able to function, but the Tsunade he saw bore the blood on her arms like it wasn't even there. Naruto was under her care, the last remnants of a brutal wound was being sewn shut by Tsunade's jutsu. Around his neck sat Tsunade's necklace.

"You're late," She spat, her eyes focused on Naruto's wound, the moment he landed next to her. A moment later her smile broke through. "Why is it that every student you have becomes a heroic moron with a death wish?"

"You're not afraid of the blood?" It felt like his mind had been lagging ever since he found her a few days ago. Not only was she healing someone covered in blood, but she was smiling too. This just felt really weird. Did she hit him and this was some dream? No, Orochimaru wouldn't be in his dreams, not in a million years.

She laughed, "Giving birth is a quick way to get over that. Besides, Sachiko rarely went a day without getting some new cut or bruise."

"Oh," so she used to be a tomboy, typical, she really was her mother's daughter. "So what's the plan?"

"You keep him off me while I heal your idiot. Then I'll heal my idiot and then we kick his teeth in," Her voice was smooth like she was talking over dinner plans. "Where's Sachiko?"

"I told her to stay back, didn't want her to get involved with this." Besides, she was an emotional wreck right now, and this was Orochimaru. He turned to glare at his former teammate, he looked paler and more distraught than usual, looks like Sensei's jutsu was having some lasting effects. Would explain why he was so desperate to get Tsunade's healing.

Tsunade snorted, "Yea, she's not going to listen to that."

He had all of one second to process that and become aware that there was a screaming white-haired woman, diving right for the giant snake and its master. Was that girl mad? "What the hell is she doing?"

A shockwave from a punch delivered to Manda's jaw gave him pause. The great snake was sent reeling his long body snapping through the air like a bullwhip, and Orochimaru along with it. Just how strong was his daughter? That punch was at least as powerful as the most powerful blow Tsunade had ever delt. Still, even at her best Tsunade couldn't beat Orochimaru, hell he could barely beat Orochimaru.

"You'll only get in her way," Tsunade warned, still focusing on patching up the last of Naruto's wound.

He felt the earth shake beneath his feet even all the way up on Katsuyu. The head of Manda was now in a fissure that was trying to swallow the snake whole, and he could hear all the pent-up anger of Sachiko exiting her in a giant scream like she was a kettle pot that had finally come to a boil.

"She can't fight Orochimaru on her own, I'm not going to let her die!" He went to move but felt his blood freeze as he looked down on at the fight below him. Manda had vanished, and Orochimaru's sword was through his daughter's stomach. Dammit! The bastard hurt his daughter. "I'm going."

"Don't." Tsunade's hand was firm against his shoulder. Did she want her to die? Or worse? What if Orochimaru placed a cursed seal on Sachiko? Why the hell was this woman just one big long string of bad fucking decisions and why the hell was he not running to his daughter's aid. "You always brought out the best in me. Even when I hated you for it." Tsunade smiled like they had time to have a moment.

Their daughter was being fucking murdered! And why the fuck weren't his legs moving. Dammit, Tsunade did something didn't she?

"In many ways, Sachiko is a result of that, and I think she's the best of you too." Tsunade took her hand off his shoulder and he felt his legs move, his balance shaken for just a moment. "Sachiko! You can go all out!"

All out? All out! Punching the mile-long snake into the ground and making an earthquake wasn't all out? "Why the fuck are you so confident in her? She's sixteen!"

This explains so fucking much about Sachiko, she had a terrible drunk of a mother that would let her fight against - why was the ground shaking again? No, it wasn't just him. Sachiko had her hands on the ground, Orochimaru's sword still sticking out of her, but it looked to hinder her little more than a sliver.

"Wood Style," What? Fucking what? "Great Tree of the Black Swamp!" Sachiko called. Branches covered in a thick black muck shot from the ground, chasing after Orochimaru and Kabuto with a frightening speed. They grew upwards, converging in the center and forming a large tree. The terrain beneath the fight shifted from shattered grasslands to a swamp of bubbling black gunk.

"Wood Jutsu?" He shouted, running up to Tsunade and nearly pushing her off of Katsuyu. "Our daughter can make a fucking tree grow out of the ground? She has the first Hokage's Jutsu? Why didn't you tell anybody?"

Tsunade just gave him a smile and looked back towards the battlefield, as the tree continued to grow upwards as new branches were created to try and damage Orochimaru and Kabuto. The jutsu kept forcing them towards the center, where the black muck was falling off the tree in thick cascades. "It's her power, and I wanted her to have the choice to use it. But I think that she has the potential to surpass my grandfather. Hopefully, she'll be taking the hat from me in a few years."

When the tree reached its full height it loomed over them, the black muck fell like rain from its bushy canopy like an angry storm cloud bringing doom to the land. A familiar scent flooded his senses, the muck, it was oil? Or at least oil based? His daughter made a giant tree that rained oil, and her mother was just beaming with pride.

This had dream written all over it.

"You didn't give me any drugs recently did you?" He asked, still watching his daughter, his daughter! Fight a winning battle against Orochimaru. Sure his arms were basically noodles that couldn't do anything, but she had his sword stuck through her waist, so it was mostly fair.

His daughter could use the first Hokage's wood Jutsu. This was huge, it was amazing, it was, so many things that he wanted nothing more than to forget everything, go to the bar and wait for it to all work itself out.

"Black swamp style!" Sachiko's voice echoed out from within the tree. A flash followed by Orochimaru's screams joined that sound. "Hellfire Prison."

Fire.

Flames roared like a voracious dragon just woken from a century-long nap and ready to feast on the world around it. The oil that surrounded the tree ignited with an explosive frenzy, bubbling, bursting, and smoking at thick black plume that wanted to dye the sky black enough to leave a scar. Even from here the heat was unlike anything he had managed with Bunta.

"Lady Tsunade, I may dry out if Sachiko keeps this up," Katsuyu complained.

"Thank you for your help Katsuyu, you can leave." Tsunade smiled, watching the tree with the same face of wonderment that was bound to be on his face. The slug beneath his feet began to swell up and form a miniature version the creature he stood on, it began to carry him down to the parts of the ground where the fire hadn't reached. Should probably do something about that.

"For the record," Tsunade laughed. "You should try to have more faith in our emotional wreck of a daughter, but don't worry I'll tell her you were cheering her on from the start."

"The hell you are!" He was going to scold her. Even if she was strong enough to make a mountain-sized tree grow in a matter of seconds that had nothing to do with being a good parent. Seriously why was he the responsible one? He was the drunk fun loving pervert. He blamed Tsunade. "You're going to help me and tell her what she did was stupid!"

"Hey it worked didn't it?"

"Are you just going to ignore the fact that there's a sword sticking out of her stomach?"

"Of course not I was going to heal that when she got back."

"What about the fact that she set the giant tree she was inside of on fire? Or the fact that there's now the world biggest bon fire a hundred meters away from the city?"

"She's not an idiot, she won't burn to death from her own jutsu. And I'll heal any burns she gets."

"You're a terrible mother!"

"What? Because I let my daughter make mistakes?"

"No because you enable her mistakes! Do you have any sense of responsibility? Weren't you the one to say that just because you can heal me doesn't mean I should go out of my way to get hurt?"

"That's cause you went out of your way to get hurt so that I would heal you!"

"I did that once!"

"Once while sober!"

"This isn't about me!"

They had been on the ground for a few moments, flames and black smoke acting as the backdrop to what would otherwise be a great spot for a lunch. The sounds of the city in panic did little to distract him from the absolute rage he was feeling towards Tsunade right now.

It came to a stop when Sachiko stepped between them, sword still stuck in her abdomen, her body was bruised and there were a few burns on her clothes and hair. She looked between both of them, her face had the look of utter exhaustion. "Are you two just arguing or actually fighting?"

"Uhh, just arguing," He swallowed, he felt dehydrated just looking at her. "You okay?"

"I'm fine," She waved him off like she didn't have a sword sticking out of her waist. She looked around, nodding once when she looked at Tsunade, Naruto and then him. "I didn't burn Shizune did I?"

"Shizune's fine, Katsuyu tended to her over there," Tsunade pointed towards a part of the field that wasn't on fire. "You did a great job, by the way, want me to take care of that sword?"

Sachiko looked down, her white hair flowing over her shoulders, "Oh, right, that's still there. Thought my stomach felt funny. Uhh, yea. I'm going to uhh pass out over in that direction."

She walked forward all of three steps before she fell forward, her face landing on Naruto's stomach earning a "Bleh" from his student that was still out cold.

"She just had to fall onto the sword didn't she?" Tsunade groaned stomping over to right the mess. "I'll heal her, you go make sure she doesn't end up burning the countryside."

"Uhh, right." The size of that task was brought to light when a house-sized branch covered in flames fell from the canopy, spraying embers up into the sky. He was a ninja, not a firefighter. He better summon some toads, the last thing Konoha needed was to deal with the political fallout that the daughter of their Hokage burned down a city.

XXXX

The earth of this area was forever changed, the fire had consumed much of the oil, and still burned in some isolated puddles of the stuff, giving off that strong familiar scent that made his head spin at times. Even when soaked from his toad's water jutsu the ground was still cracked and brittle.

The tree itself formed a pillar of charcoal, that rose out of the ground like a monument to destruction, still aglow with warmth, flaring up again whenever the wind blew strong enough. Its canopy had fallen within moments, leaving sharp hot rocks of wood soot and ash scattered about the hellish landscape. The amount of destruction was hard to stomach.

It was no difficult task to destroy an area, even he could level a house, but this damage was lasting a scar on the land that will take years to heal. Longer if the smoke rising from the cracks meant there was burning oil beneath the surface.

If there was ever a technique to kill Orochimaru it would be this. Doubtful though it may be.

The core of the tree was like stepping into a still lit oven. He'd be dehydrated in minutes and dead soon after. But he needed to confirm, even though his gut told him otherwise. He climbed the twisting maze of branches that made up the base of the tree, and at the heart where the fires had burned the hottest, he found Orochimaru's funeral pyre. A lone pillar of charcoal glowed red at the center, bound to it by branches of ash was an Orochimaru-shaped corpse.

Fighting through the heat, he examined the corpse, it was hallow, little more than a shell. Orochimaru still lived, and worse he now knew about his daughter and how strong she was. Hopefully that strength would be enough to deter the man and not spur him on.

"I'm going to drink a lot tonight," his throat was dry and his eyes burned, but he stayed until the last ash fell to the wind. If Orochimaru did come for his family then the destruction that Sachiko had demonstrated would seem like a mercy.

 **AN: To those of you that complained that Sachiko wasn't as good of a healer as her mother. This is why. FIRE TREES! Anyways I skipped a lot of the fight, because I don't actually like to write fights, but hey Tsunade's the Hokage now. Also Martial dispute!**


End file.
